Where do we go from here?

Hey all! Look, I did it! I wrote a blog within the same year as the last one! 😆

Granted, it's still been like... a month. That may not be often enough for people that like, seriously  follow blogs, but I honestly have no idea what expectations are. But here I am!

So let's see, what's happened in the month of April. Because it's gone pretty darn fast... in a slow-can't-do-much sort of way... but I do have just some bullets that I am busting with and feel like sharing them would benefit your life. 😜 So here goes...

So, for the first week of April, I went back through all my old blogs just realizing how many great things I used to eat and how good it all looked. I am soooo sad to say that the pancake mix I used in one of these posts is pretty hard to find now, if it's even still made. I went to the company's webpage and they were sold out of quite a bit... however, that was at the beginning of this shelter-in-place and people were sort of losing their minds still over things like toilet paper and flour. I'll have to check again. Maybe they've settled down. Anyways, it's been a little motivation to try and eat a bit better and get creative with meals again.

[Okay, I couldn't wait. I just checked. They do NOT have the 6-grain and it just says "unavailable." I will now keep this tab open, in addition to the other 19 tabs I have open in safari right now, and I'll keep checking it because it was THAT good.]

https://centralmilling.com/store/#central-milling-organic

In case you want it too, but if it comes in stock, tell me, pretty please. This wasn't actually one of my original bullet points... I really got carried away there.

Next. Well, it's still about food. Obviously, from this blog, you can see I like food. I also enjoy good food that is really tasty but not terribly bad for me. (Even though the terribly bad food has its special place too ;-) I don't really always want to cook or enjoy cooking, typically because I'm impatient for one, and two- I don't like cleaning up. BUT... I am also cheap and still want that healthy side, so those two things usually win out and I end up making food instead of ordering. This stuck-at-the-house thing has resulted in lots of cooking and baking which has been fun. Homemade bread loaves, crepes, bagels, homemade mac and cheese, pasta, eggs, hmm, what else... the girls have tried all sorts of things. Actually, I think that was really why I didn't enjoy cooking... I don't like cooking on my own. With other people, I'm discovering it's fun! I will say, though, I am still missing my go-to restaurants in all this... I think we could all go for the communal chips and salsa right now, know what I'm saying?

I am also insanely thankful that we have a park, basically in the backyard... no, we don't get to play at the jungle gym or basketball hoops there, because that involves touching and touching is gross now, apparently, but we have a .6 mile lap that we can do endlessly whether walking, biking, rollerblading, or training to be a knight. Yes, as the Queen, I knighted someone today that went by the name JoJo (what? My girls are creative and I usually don't ask, I just roll with it...) Yes, we do rounds around town too, but this backyard lap is comforting. It's nice to know I can go out there multiple times a day with a podcast and the girls can do their thing near me too... it's weird now that they are old enough to be out on their own, but I can't let them be free because of all this social distancing stuff... :-( and soon, we will all be wearing masks all day, every day while out and about? Anyways.

That leads to my next bulletpoint. Podcasts. How did it take me until this year to really listen to them? I talked, last blog, about Dirty John. Right now, I'm in the middle of Up and Vanished. It is good........ and much longer than he anticipated! Which leads me to believe there is SO much I haven't heard in this case yet, so don't tell me! But do tell me, if you listen to podcasts, what should I be hearing? I like the crime ones and humorous ones too, so help me start a list! ;-)

Alright, next... I'll address the elephant in the room. It is probably safe to say some people are back reading this blog to see if there is any more about Fred. Sigh. I wish there wasn't. I don't plan to devote too much time on this. But it does need to be addressed. I opened the box. I won't put it all back in there, just because others want me to.

Well. I'm going to start by saying that it was really overwhelming to finally post that blog. I do not regret it and I feel much better personally. Like I said, it was a heavy weight. What I didn't expect? I did NOT expect or maybe realize the response I would get from people. Not people consoling me or expressing their empathy... although those words were heard and very much appreciated. I was very overwhelmed with the responses I received saying that it was like I had revealed their journal. That it was like I was typing out their life. I had dozens of comments, but over fifteen of them had shared that they had been through something like my story. And I hope they don't mind me saying so, but a fraction of those people had been in the same "neighborhood" as me, so to speak and said it was all eerily similar. Ugh, right? I think I always thought it would be comforting to know I wasn't alone, but no... I was broken-hearted to realize how many around me have felt so much pain. And then I felt terrible for never realizing it. But I guess no one ever really knows what people are going through. The thing about all these people that reached out-- they were no longer in those relationships. Amen, right?! Thank you for being brave and reaching out, but also thank you for being brave and getting out! I'm praying that if anyone else is stuck in the muck of all that, that things are changing for them. And some friends have been through that and worked through it all and have a healthy marriage now. That's so beautiful too! I heard all the words and messages that people sent and I thank you. So much.

Of course, there was a LITTLE pushback. And when I say that, it was literally just the one person. Fred was displeased with my words. After a very riled text from him, I let him know this blog was not for him and I am not concerned. If I wanted to keep it private or block people, I would have. He threatened me with the things about me I have not publicly revealed. Maybe some day that can be a blog too. One thing at a time now... But really, my parents, my siblings, my close friends, they already know my faults and mistakes and dark. Nothing is a secret to take to my grave. I read something the other day that went like "Who does she think she is? Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is."

I like that.

It did annoy me a bit that Fred's wife (Wilma, obviously) sent me a message on fb, saying to stop harassing him. Ummm... what? I wasn't asking for his input on my blog. I was just asking about child support. I took most of what she said with a grain of salt because I've spent zero days with her, the girls know 7 days of her, and hell, Fred has been in a relationship with her less than 6 months... but the one thing she said that stuck out was that "I must be madly in love with him still" to attempt these communications with him. I laughed and let her know her instincts are a bit misconstrued. But I have had some time to really think this through, to the point where it made me sad. And here's why. He and I do NOT communicate well. Unfortunately, we are not the amiable co-parenting adults. He smiles and says he is friendly, but our texts are not friendly. We are still dealing with a lot of issues, as our divorce has only been final for like a month or two, depending on which version of the decree you see... but I am quite curt in our communications because I am typically trying to explain his misinterpretations of the court order.

Now these communications have led his wife of a couple months to decide that I am madly in love with him. We aren't flying off the cuff... we aren't cussing and calling each other names... but by no means are these communications "nice." So being upset and annoyed... being unkind... quite honestly, talking down to someone because there is little respect in the first place, but he also just CANNOT comprehend the conversation... these ill-feelings... that equals love to her? Hmm. That's unfortunate.

And that's all I have to say about all of that... this blog doesn't have space for all that bad juju. I have so much going on, I don't try to wrap my head around any of that chaotic world. Because actually that very same day was the day our governor announced that we were finishing the school year by e-learning. We all knew it was happening, but hearing him say the words? Crushed.

I guess I'll have a story to tell about how my student-teaching days, but really, I just wanted to get the opportunity to finish in the classroom and tell the same story that ALL the other teachers in the land tell... but this very same day as silly facebook messages and the governor saying we weren't going back? That was supposed to be my last official day in the classroom. Oh... it's just not how I pictured it. I am so very thankful to have video meetings every weekday morning with my class, and the fact that I get to still take part in everything to this day. I just miss them so much! Anyways, at least this official word allows us to now do our best to make what we can special, with signs in the senior's yards, and birthday parades, and all the tentative plans for when we can hug our friends again. There is so much to be thankful for in this district and it is so bittersweet, this semester I am in.

I didn't walk the stage when I got my Associate's degree. I was hoping to do it now for my bachelor's degree, just because this has been such a journey for me. Graduating this spring will also look a little different for me... No ceremony... But oh my gosh.... I'm GRADUATING!! About 5 hours ago, I actually finished my last paper. I have a few other discussions and things to get organized and figured out, but MY LAST PAPER! YES! And being the party animal that I am, thought what better way to celebrate my last writing assignment... by... writing a really long blog?! What's wrong with me.... haha.

That being said though, I am already contemplating future classes. You know, you can take free classes right now? You could even take a class through Ivy League schools like Harvard. How awesome would that be? Some are free, and some are certified for like $50. I find this very enticing..... am I the only one?

https://www.classcentral.com/report/free-online-learning-coronavirus/

So... What do we do now? Where do we go from here?
I'm taking recommendations! Recipes, books, podcasts, stories, classes, you name it...

Talk soon!
Love,
Stacy